Last day of July. Weird? Where did summer go?

I just looked at my calendar, July 31st. It is the last day of July... WHAT!!! I could not begin to describe how fast this month had gone by. It began with the fun 4th of July party at the US embassy and ended with our final goodbyes, in person, with Vinita, Mahdev, Jeff and Sangeetha, well at least for now. I don't know when I will see them again, but I have a good feeling that hopefully our paths can cross somewhere in our lives. But, honestly, this time in Cambodia has gone by so fast and I am sure everyones adventures during these two months of summer are fill with stories that I can't wait to exchange and hear about.
well, I woke up a couple hours ago and I am sitting on my bed trying to decide what my next plan of action is. I decided that this weekend will just be a free weekend, since a lot of people that I have met here in Cambodia are leaving within the next couple days, its time to spend time with them before they leave. So work will be just postponed until Monday, at least I have a week and 2 days to really focus on what I need to wrap up before I get on my flight at 11:55pm on August 10th and make my journey back to where it began. It is crazy to think that I will be back in the Twin Cities and somewhat resume life again. After this crazy adventure here in the motherland of where my Cambodian culture came from, it will be quite an adjustment to throw myself back into everyday life once again.
Well, I will not think about that quite yet and will digress later as the days come to a final countdown.
What to do with the last 10 days in Cambodia? This is crazy.

So little time and a plethora of just so many things.

I love that as my time in Cambodia is coming to nears days that I can soon count on my finger. There is so much to do before I have to go back. These includes sights I want to see, things I want to eat, things I want to buy, family I need to see and naturally of course, the end of the internship stuff I must get done within these limited numbers of day.
Well, let's start with what I wanted to do today. I wanted to devote this day to my working on my AJA stuff, but it ended with our farewell to Sangeeters (yesterday) and Mah(ha)dev and Vintia (this morning), super sad and just a weird feeling that it might be awhile before I will see them again. Super sad.
Well, I went to get my photos developed and picked up right after V and M left to airport with JP and Rot. Rot and I decided we needed to take a nap, it was around 10 am and both Rot and I did not get any sleep last night. Well, it kind of failed and I ended up watching, It's Complicated. Well, JP got back and we went to.... PHO FORTUNE. Yup, pretty the best pho, as of now, in Phnom Penh. Super good. I was super happy. Well, we decided to go back to Psaa orussei to JP could get some fabric, but we first headed back to the guest house. Rot and I were so tired by this point because our first nap was a failure, as well as this 20 minute nap and confusion that happened before we went to the market.
Well, nap #2 basically failed and we went to the market. Which was pretty fun, but because of the lack of sleep for me, I was like a zombie and I squinted my eyes as I look at everything. I guess it made me look like I was a true material hunter, making sure the quality was at its best. Har Har Har. Well, we founded some awesome fabric at some fantastic prices and we headed back to the guest house.
Well, nap #3 was our success. Rot and I got back to our room and we literally conked out for like a good 2-3 hours. It was so nice, but I had to get up. It was 6pm and I was meeting with my Aunt Mao because she as in Phnom Penn from Sihanoukville. Well, we went out and got dinner. Had a fun time, we took a tuk tuk and went around the Independent monument. We ended up at the guest house and I invited her to stay with me at the guest house and it would only be for one night. I think she wanted to spend time with me and honestly, when would be the next time I would come to Cambodia. So, I took the opportunity. Well, I forgot to mention that during dinner and the tuk tuk, she wanted me to call all my uncles and aunts and tell them that I was leaving on the 10th. It was fun.
Well, she is sleeping right now. I think. But, it was fun. I know that our conversation is limited, but I hope that she likes me. I guess things in Cambodia just happen and you have to go with the flow and just continue. I guess my work will just have to wait until the time frees up and I can continue and finish it. I am coming home soon everyone. Sooner than you think. =)

July 26th. Duch's verdict. What exactly is justice? Can we ever achieved it?

Yesterday was a historical day in Cambodia. For the first time, the verdict of Case 001 of the Khmer Rouge Tribunals was announced and this would be the first time in Cambodian history that any type of punishment or sentence for the crimes that the whole country had suffered under during 1975-1979. The Khmer Rouge era. It was yesterday from 10am to around 12pm that the judge read what the sentence for Kaing Guek Ev, otherwise known as Duch, the person who ran S-21, Tuol Sleng. Over 16,000 people were killed and torture at this torture center that was once a high school. Only a handful have survived, such as Chum Mey who I met earlier in June.
But, as we found out later, the max that anyone could get imprison was 40 years which was what people wanted. But, it was knocked down to 35 years. Through all the confusion and how unclear the judgment was throughout this whole process, another 5 years was knocked off for good behavior and cooperating with the court. Also because he had served 11 years already, his sentence was basically only 19 years or so, so in 2029, he will be able to be released if he serves his entire sentence. There is a possibility of parole given to those on good behavior. Even though he was found guilty for his crime, this sentence was not found to be just for many Cambodians, including myself. I forgot to mention that the only reparations that was given was an online memorial site, to name and list the people who have died. This, I believe does not make any sense at all. Who will be able to access this online? There is only a small fraction of Cambodians who even own a computer, let alone have access to internet. How about those in the country side? I also found out that one of the civil parties' family members name was spelled wrong, he even said, "What is the point of even having this when names aren't even spelled right and a majority of Cambodians don't have access to this." This was the "creative" way for reparations. It was a shocked to Cambodians about what happened and what the sentence for Duch was. There was a lot of very hard feelings and tears, especially for all of the civil parties who were involved. A lot of them, like Chum Mey felt like justice was not achieved yesterday at all. I also forgot to mentioned that almost 20 civil parties were rejected yesterday during the verdict, which did not make sense at all. To be one of the civil parties who pour out their story, their trauma and struggle and not to get recognized must have been just terrible, especially working so hard for almost nothing.
Yesterday was a hard day for everyone, it was hard for me to accept that this was justice. I kept running through my head of the millions who had suffered through the Khmer Rouge and as much as this is a huge step for Cambodia, with the Khmer Rouge Tribunals and everything that happened yesterday, it just felt like it wasn't enough at all, it just wasn't. If you calculated the amount of time he will be in prison for each person who died in the prisons, it would amount to 11 hours for each person. I don't know, it just makes me feel angry and sad. It really made me questioned about how do we find justice in Cambodia where everyone was a victim, everyone had family and friends who they have lost. Everyone was following orders, how do you find justice in a country like Cambodia or any other countries who have gone through genocidal epidemic. I don't know the answers to the questions that I have brought up because honestly, justice, itself as a word is just so complicated, and to each individual it has a different meaning and bringing this word to the court of law, it might or most likely will differ between the my justice and legal justice. With these courts in Cambodia, I don't know if it will truly achieve the justice, the reconciliation, the healing that Cambodians everywhere deserved. I don't know how long it will take for the healing to be complete. I look back at the 30 years that have past since these atrocious events took place and even today, you can still see the suffering, through the ones who went through it and a form of secondary trauma to the future generations who may not even understand or believe that these events took place in Cambodian history. Was the Duch verdict enough to help Cambodians move on? Or did it just relinquish even more hurt and even more suffering? I have been asking myself that every minute. How do we move on and how do we ever achieve this justice?

Internet and Cafes

With the last couple weeks remaining in Cambodia, we have experience a surge of internet troubles this week after the crazy storm on Tuesday, the day that I feel ill, and it pretty much affected the internet connection at various places, one of them being the guest house I am at at. Since that night, wifi router, I believe, burnt out and it has been such eventful week of the internet guy coming several times a day to get it working for 20 minutes. So, it has been a little difficult getting work done, since emailing is heavily relied and transferring documents.
So I have been going to cafe a lot more than I usually do this week. It has been a joy because half the cafes I go to, there is an issue with the internet, so it has been super frustrating trying to find an internet connection somewhere. But, at last I have landed at Cafe Fresco, where I have had delicious soup and a wonderful blueberry muffin. The downside of it is the money you have to spend. At this joints, the prices are pretty equivalent to getting a cup of coffee or a sandwich any where else. So I prefer not to come to this, if it is available at my place. But, it is a nice change of scenery from the room and the florescent lights that loom over my bed and desk.
I am doing A LOT better since Tuesday. I feel like my old self. It is funny, that when you are sick, you feel like the world is collapsing and that you are dying. Now, I feel like I could go bungee jumping. =) My supervisors come back into town tonight, so it will be exciting and also a little weird to see them, since it has been a whole month of being on on our own in Cambodia. But, this marks about a week left of my internship, which is crazy! I can't believe how fast this has gone and I know that even though the next week will be filled with a ton of work, it will go by so fast, that I will be running right behind it.
On Monday, it will be a big day for Cambodia, when the verdict of Case 001, the Duch case will be announce. This will be big because we do not know what verdict will be and if the sentencing is not what people of Cambodia are satisfy with, I am not not sure how the country will react and how people will react about the courts. Monday will be a historic day in Cambodia as the first judgment is called on Case 001. I have also started to think about what exactly is justice? How can we find justice? I have been thinking about this word ever since I have gotten here in Cambodia and it still puzzles me because I do not know how you can find or even try to help find justice for all Cambodians, here and abroad.

Don't know what I ate, but it sure didn't make me feel good.

It all started two days. It was a normal Tuesday. I woke up, took a shower, got dressed and headed off to Java Cafe to get some hardcore work done, which was aka my paper. Well, I was there for several hours and as soon as it hit around 3pm or 4pm, I started to feel a slight weakness in my body and an onset headache. I decided to leave Java and luckily I sent and turned in my paper. I left Java and decided to take a moto back home. I don't think I could have made it home by walking. But, as I was looking for a moto and telling the moto driver where I wanted to go, another moto driver yelled out, "That is going to be a $1.00 to get home." I, in the state that I was = not the greatest, kind of snap back and said, "No, it should be only 2,000 riel, it is only a minute away, that is TOO EXPENSIVE." That moto driver was like, "Oh, I was joking, only kidding." I felt bad and I apologize for the way I reacted and said I wasn't feeling so good that was why I was so irritable. Well, I got home and I rushed up to my room. I ripped off my clothes and put on my shorts and a shirt and climbed into bed. It was about 5pm and I slept until 8pm. During my sleep, I felt really cold and my head started to spin in circles. I honestly could not describe how I felt, but I felt the world was upside down. I felt like there was a boulder on top of me and there was no way to push it off. I just kept under the covers and drifted on and off, on and off. Around 8pm, I sent a text to Rothany and asked her if she could make some rice soup with boiled egg for me. Later, she was able to do that and brought it down. I could only eat a couple spoon fulls before I was full and I went back to sleep. But, during that wait for food, I watched, I love New York, but it was dubbed in Khmer. It was super interesting to listen to it in Khmer. That night, I had such weird dreams that I cannot recount. I also felt like my logical way of thinking was turned upside down. I can't describe to you how, but it was like my normal way of thinking was finding the means to get to the end, but that night it was like I was focusing on the end than the means. I don't know if that made any sense, but it was just whacky. I tossed and turned all night and I was sweaty and I felt hot. Luckily, morning came and I got up at 7am. I did not feel great at all. Let's say between the hours of 7am and 11am, I went to the bathroom EIGHT times. I did not know you could go that many times, but I proved myself wrong. I ended up watching Cartoon Network, which consisted of ghetto Pink Panther and Tom and Jerry all morning. I just laid there in bed and I could not move. I felt that weak. I ended up that whole day laying in bed and watching television. I watched so many things on TV. Too many things, I ended up watching a lot of old school movies about cyclops and Sinbad, a movie about Minnesota and Marley and Me. I kept trying to drink a lot a water, but it was hard to keep it down. At around 4pm, I fell asleep and I guess I fell asleep during a crazy thunderstorm that shatter a window on the top floor. Even this morning, the lady of the guest house was telling me about how crazy it was last night. But, I fell asleep through that and I woke up at around 10pm and fell asleep around 11pm. When I woke up around 9am. I felt great. It was such a relief this morning to feel full of energy and full of strength. So, today I am going to make most of the day and be productive to make up the loss of yesterday.
I don't know what exactly I ate to make me feel so sick. I have been trying to look at my past meals I have had, but it doesn't seem like any of that could have caused this upset because no else got sick. I am just glad that it is over and it was nothing too serious. I kind of jinx myself earlier this month when I said, Oh, I am not going to get sick and the other person was like, everyone always get sick at the end of their stay. I am naturally bad luck. Just naturally.

Really really late nights.

Ever since I have gotten back from Sihanoukville, it has been work work work, where I have not been able to catch up on updates and emails since an hour ago. I have been up past 3am for the majority of this week and last week. I have been working into the hours of the night. So, I have been a little sleep deprived and it has been very stressful on everyone as well.
The last couple days of Sihanoukville were wonderful, I spent a lot of time with my family and it was great to just hang out, play cards and talk about past memories and events. Well, on the last day there, I felt really sad to leave my Grandmother and my family. It was a sad farewell and I hope that I can come out to Cambodia, once again, but with my family and be able to visit all the family we have throughout the country.
Well, we got on the bus and I got a surprise call from my other Aunt who was in Phnom Penh because her child was sick. When I got off the bus, I waited for at the station. A woman came and grabbed my arm and I looked up. I could tell she was my Aunt because she look like E Baet and Mom, but her face was different than any of the aunts I had seen. She took me to meet her 2 kids with her and we went to get Pho. Super good and it was super cute. It was weird to have people call me bong Sokun. Super weird. But, afterwards, we hop on a tuk tuk and she took me back to my guest house where I showed her pictures on my computer. It was super cute.
I think I am off to bed, it's pretty early. 2:31pm? Earliest this week!

More food, more family and let's compare me to Day.

I finally am in Sihanoukville and I feel super happy and full of spirit. Well, I will start off with the beginning of the day and then get into the parts you want to hear about. I got to bed at around 3am this morning, woke up at 6am. I felt like crap. I was so groggy and I felt terrible. The thing that saved me was the bus ride. I was able to sleep for a good 3 -4 hours, passed out, but there was a number of times where my head would tilt into the aisle and I would surprise myself and then fall asleep again. Rothany and I got some pretty awesome seats, right at the front with the most possible leg room, so I could stretch out my legs and sleep. After about 5 hours or so, we reached Sihanoukville, but the downside was that it was pouring like horses and pigs. It was pretty bad. I have a feeling that the whole weekend will be like this, but that is the rainy seasons. No beaches? I guess it might be a sign that we should work and not play this weekend. Well, we arrived and took a tuk tuk to our guest house. It is called Sea Side Villa, I have a feeling that I got the name wrong again, I called it Sea Village Side before. I never realized how hilly this part of the region is, it is literally all hills, we kept going up and down and the pouring rain did not help. Not one bit. Our guest house was next to Serendipity Beach and the road to it was non existent. It was a dirt road and combine with rain, a muddy one. We got 3/4 down the road to our hotel, but the tuk tuk driver could not make it any farther, so I had to grabbed all my goods for my Grandma and bring it to the guest house. Luckily, it was not too far, but the rain was not fun. Well, after we got settle in our new home for the next couple nights. I decided to call my Uncle Songli. Ahh, I was super nervous, butterflies were literally in my stomach, not only in my stomach, they were lost or a tornado had hit them and they didn't know what to do, but I dialed his number and .... no pick up. I was feeling, oh no, maybe they do not what to see me. I decided to wait a little bit and thought about calls don't always go through here. I called again.... it rang for a long time and I was getting nervous again and then it happened...." Sokun, Hello??". I was super excited and I told him that I had just arrived and he asked if I wanted to come see family and I said, yes! He came about a half hour later and picked me up around two. I was nervous beforehand. I waited downstairs with Ne and I told her about how nervous I was and that I could not help. I just thought about, what am I going to talk about? Is this going to be awkward? What if they don't like me? Oh, that 30 minutes was the longest 30 minutes of my life.
A black lexus SUV pulled down the street, I look outside and because it was so far, I didn't assume anything. I got a called from my uncle and he says that he is near my guest house, but he is not sure which one. I go out and wave my hands in the air, yes, it was that black lexus SUV. Oh, it was so great to see my Uncle Songli in real life. I have seen so many pictures, but he has a similar face to my mom. He was so nice and he really wanted me to see all the family here. First, he took me to my Aunt Li who owned a resturaunt across from a gas station. We got there and I went in and said hello. It was such a weird feeling to be meeting family that you have heard of, but never seen. I spent about ten minutes there and it was fun to see all her kids and her adorable grandson, who was super attached to me. He started crying when I left. So cute.
Now, it was time to go to my Uncle Songli's place where my grandma was staying. As we pulled up into his house. My uncle pointed out and said, " There is Grandma." I looked, but I couldn't see. He pulled into the garage and I got out. I walked to get the food in the back seat and then into the house. I then saw a cute, old woman and I recognize her from the many pictures. I saw how much she resembled my mom. Oh, it was chills seeing her. She came up and said how happy she was too finally meet her. She told me, as well as my cousin and my uncle how I did not look like anything in the picture and I got skinnier. They also commented on how dark I was because to my surprise I was darker than all of them. Crazy. Renee must be black then.
I got to meet my whole uncle's family which consisted of three kids, two young brothers, a sister and also Jin Long, but he was in Phnom Penh finishing up his semester.
I sat there next to my grandmother and we started talking about how my trip was and where I have been. My Uncle also made me stir fried noodles and he was giving me drinks up the gazoo. I spent almost 7 hours at my Uncle's. It was super cute to talk to my grandma about my mom. She also knew my Dad's side really well. She talked about my Grandparents on my Dad's side and about how my Tha (Grandfather on my dad's) was from Kampuchea Krom and how he had an accent. Oh, and before I forget, they made so many comparisons to me and my brother. I am a lot darker than he is, I speak Khmer better than and the rest of my siblings, I am smaller than him, the list kept going on, but they were all positives on my end.
My Grandma and I ended watching Chinese soap operas and then they turned into watching Khmer music videos of Britney Spears, Black Eye Peas and Pitbull, super bad, but it was fun. My cousin seemed like they liked me a lot, they surrounded me and even one of them wanted to take a picture of me on their phone. Super cute.
Oh, and more food, they ended up making dinner and feeding me beer and water. Then apples and longan. So much food. Way too much food.
It was a wonderful start to this weekend and it was super cute when my Grandmother asked me to stay and sleep with her at my Uncle's. I might tomorrow actually. This is the only opportunity to see my Grandma and spend all the time to make up the lost of spending time with Grandparents when I was younger. I am going to hang out with my family again tomorrow and I am super excited.
Oh yeah, I also met my Uncle Jumran, who came later and he took me back to the guest house on his moto, but beforehand we stopped by his house so I could meet his family. They were super nice and the kids were so cute. My Uncle Jumran is really cool, he gave me the advice to go out at night, but only with him. So I could be safe, unlike my Uncle Songli who told me not to go out at night and only day time. Super funny. After I had arrived back from the visiting them, he gave me a call to let me know if I need anything to just call him and he will be there to help in a jiffy.
Ahh, I had to write down what happened today because it felt amazing and I am so blessed to have family here. But, it is reality time and I have to get back to work. Yes, I am working on my mini vacation, but I will let you know how the rest of this weekend goes. Oh, btw, facebook pictures of my family from today will be up.